Your Values Shape the Decisions You Make

There is often much discussion of values. Some people dismiss them as unimportant; others say they know what they value (without being able to articulate what they are), and others are deeply committed and intimately know and understand their values.

Values, when clear and understood, are something to be deeply passionate about. When we intimately know what we value and what will influence the decisions we make in life, they become a compass to guide the direction we take in all that we do. They influence our decisions, choices, actions, and principles regarding how we will live our lives. They become a paradigm for living the life you want without regrets.

There are many types of values, so for simplicity, I will roll them up into three types: personal, business, and aspirational. Many will argue this is too simple, but why complicate? Let’s talk about personal values, as this is where it all starts.

"Values can't just be words on a page. To be effective, they must shape action." Jeffrey R. Immelt

The now famous line in the movie Forest Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get", comes to mind when I think about life and the role that values play. As a young Mum in survival mode for many years with two young children and navigating motherhood, relationships, work and what was coming at me every day, I can only wish I understood more about values and the role they play in relationships. In my 1980s world, there was no talk of the importance of knowing your values and their role in shaping decisions and life choices. However, when I reflect, I know I made some big decisions, such as leaving my first husband based on the values I had grown up with. I still recall the thought that went through my mind when his unacceptable behaviour influenced me to leave: "This is not how I was brought up. I am not putting up with this." It became a dealmaker for me, and as I look back at this time and many others, I realise that I did make decisions based on values; I did not know that this was what I was doing as I did not have the language to express it at the time. I do have access to that language now. I am ensuring that I utilise and leverage the understanding of my values to be clear about what I will and will not accept in the relationships I engage in, personally and professionally. As Jeffrey R. Immelt said, "Values can't just be words on a page. To be effective, they must shape action."

Your values will enable you to identify the dealmakers in your life regarding relationships. A dealmaker is a core value that you have that is essential for someone to engage or be aligned with for you to feel comfortable having some relationship with. This could be any situation, from an initial connection at a networking event in a business sense to a first romantically inclined date. The dealmaker, when it comes to values, is something that aligns closely with your beliefs or principles that, when it’s present, creates a strong foundation for trust. This dealmaker quality makes the relationship or decision that you are making feel viable and aligned.

Conversely, your values also help you identify the dealbreakers. A value dealbreaker is a non-negotiable factor or behaviour that causes someone to decide not to engage in or continue a relationship, deal, or project. It’s a value violation significant enough to disrupt trust or make alignment impossible.

Knowing your values is being able to express them through your behaviours. They can be used to free your time and your mind, or they can be ignored and have your time and your mind consumed by thoughts or activities that do not serve well. Look at it from this angle: do you intend to have value-driven solid relationships, however, keep finding yourself in situations that you do not want to be in and constantly experience dissonance? Dissonance in any situation is like experiencing something scratching a chalkboard or an irritating voice that grinds against your sensitivities, so in this case, it could be a dealbreaker. Or are your relationships resonating with you because you know you have checked in with what is a dealmaker for you regarding your values and who you will allow into your life? When our relationships resonate with what is more important, it is like water calmly flowing down a stream, trusting the current to lead us to the right place.

In the book 'Who's in Your Room', co-authored by Stewart Emery and Dr Ivan Misner, with Doug Hardy, the question is asked - "If you knew that this person would be in your room forever, would you have let that person in your room?" When we meet someone for the first time, we have a choice, and our values will influence our choices. Ultimately, it is said that we are the average of the five people we hang out with the most, so being clear on the type of people you want to connect with is about knowing your values and being able to ask yourself the question, "do I want this person to be someone that I am connected with?"

Other than writing a list of values and connecting with the ones that resonate with you most, use these three steps to explore a different way to identify your values:

Step 1 - Think of three to five people you admire or like spending time with. This could include virtual mentors, who you feel connected with through reading books, or they could be actual mentors in your life, friends or family members who have positively influenced you.

Step 2 - Identify five to ten character traits that best describe what you perceive to be each of these people's values. These will be evident by their behaviour, the actions they take, and the experience you have with them.

Step 3 - Review the lists you created and look for shared values you have experienced. Write down up to ten of these. These are likely your core values because you resonate with them in the people you have chosen.

Knowing your values is crucial to healthy relationships in your personal and professional life. Values will shape your decisions, choices, and to a large extent, the relationships that you develop with others. Values can be dealmakers and dealbreakers, and when you are clear on what they are for you, there is an excellent opportunity to live life on your terms and with clear boundaries around what is essential for you.

If you need help identifying your values, book a complimentary strategy session. We look forward to connecting.