From Necessity to Possibility: The Power of the Pause

Some words offer choices, while others shut them down.

The language we use with ourselves and others matters because it does more than describe what we think. It reveals what we believe, what we value, and what rules we are living by.

Sometimes the most powerful language is no language at all. It is the pause before we speak. The moment where we decide whether we are about to react from pressure or respond with intention.

At times, saying nothing matters. Being silent when we are bursting to speak can be more powerful than speaking. The language we use either creates or limits the options we believe we have to achieve what we want in life.

Why? Because our language is a direct reflection of our beliefs and values. Our beliefs influence the reality we create.



“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Henry Ford



The Power of Beliefs

Whether we realise it or not, we act in line with our beliefs. For example, if we believe that perseverance will help us achieve our fitness goal, we’re likely to take the actions required to get there.

Conversely, if we believe we can’t achieve our fitness goal, we’re likely to avoid the actions required to do so.

The language we hear ourselves thinking in our heads or saying out loud is extremely useful in building our self-awareness around what we believe and the rules we live by. The words we use either support or hinder us in becoming who we want to be and in taking action to achieve our goals.

Certain words we use indicate our beliefs and the number of options we think we have. In Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), they are called Modal Operators, meaning modes of operation.

Two types of modal operators are Necessity and Possibility.

Neither modal operator is better; they are simply words that reflect the beliefs we hold and the rules we’ve developed to operate by. We can use these words to our advantage.

This is valuable for understanding whether we are communicating with ourselves or others.

Modal Operators of Necessity

Modal operators of necessity relate to words that suggest you do something because you feel you must and have no choice. They are words that require certain responses and actions and are connected to abilities or a lack thereof.

How often has someone said to you, or you have said to someone, with good intentions, “You should do this.”

So examples of words of necessity include should, must, have to, and need to.

When modal operators of necessity are used, they can create imposed stressful states that lead to resistance.

Alternatively, they can motivate us to meet deadlines and help us achieve important goals. The tone used plays a big part in the impact of these words.

Read more here, starting with Modal Operators of Possibility